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    September 14

    千娇百媚

      终于有了笔记本了,烈焰红的奔放与激情呈现在表面,能否掩住心底的灰尘?
      笔记本的型号是SONY的CR-13烈焰红,是我觊觎很久的猎物。没想到它的价格给我上了一节正弦曲线的课,我在第一个波峰买到了它。
      有了笔记本能意味着什么?有了远景系统又能说明什么?我有了一件崭新的武器,我有了一个令自己赏心悦目的器物。呵呵。
      算是对我浪费一个暑假搞信息的回报吧,至少我没有白辛苦。
      整个暑假,貌似我碌碌无为,也把很多难得的好习惯给丢的一干二净,做个不恰当的比喻,就像德国发动的第二次世界大战。高考就像斯大林格勒保卫战一样,我一下子由战略进攻变为了战略防守。成天得昏昏沉沉,与被动挨打昭相辉映。这就是所谓的意识形态的洗心革面吗。
      出人意料啊,准确说来是出乎我的意料,首先是我从未体验过现在这样痛并快乐着,在这时我也从未体验过好事坏事如同塞翁失马般的,却以着如此高的频率轮回着,快得让我眼花缭乱。好在秋天来了,菊花盛开着,天气转凉着,我又得以活下来了。
      无形中手上又多了一道疤痕,长得十分嚣张,掠去我手背的全貌,让我本来有瑕疵的右手更无法展现。有点过分了,这疤痕甚至有可能跟着我一辈子的。
      我没有变神经,只是变得更安静;我没有变消沉,只是变得更冷静;我没有变疯癫,只是变得更茫然。我不想出现,因为我不忍心再让自己被误解;我不想出现,因为我没有机会让自己再重来;我不想出现,因为我缺乏勇气再在灯光下做自己的表演秀。我延续了在黑暗中前进的习惯,却没有增长行进的勇气。我看着妖孽奸佞在龌龊的沆瀣一气,没有胆量再反戈一击。好像回到15岁,有更多的时间和精力抒写青春。
      也许销声匿迹是我最好的选择,也许融入真正的市井是我最终的命运,也许我在习惯这一切并最终将采纳。而,是一个烈焰红的笔记本无法扭转的事实。
      越来越觉得自己的水平在下降,跟一个15岁的小朋友相比,我还差远了。
      纵然千娇百媚,也只是昙花一现。消失,是正确的选择,也是被唤醒的前奏。 

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